My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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