I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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