Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
