Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
