you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
