I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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