Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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