I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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