he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Randomize
