...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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