if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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