"it" just moved
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
porn star boner night. come get it.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
