My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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