I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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