i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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