if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
