You're so nebulous sometimes
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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