My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
