mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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