In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
