Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
