Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
