i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
