take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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