Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
