you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
