Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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