High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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