5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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