It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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