As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
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