Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
