I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
