I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I AM VODKA MAN
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
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