At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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