his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
so let's talk penis.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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