I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
