a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
