Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
