Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
