did you get engaged???
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Randomize
