I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
