Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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