God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Come see our sink grown plant.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
