my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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