Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
