yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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