don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
