Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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