captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
