you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
