Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I wish you could order shots online.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
