Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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